gotmilk588

So last night Jenn and I went to see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I cried almost the entire movie. It was like it had some profound meaning, but I don't know what it is. The Greek guy was cute though. He looked like a dark-haired version of the freshman in Gray's band, but older and cuter.
I finished my history at 6:30pm. It's pretty neat I must admit. Kate Hepburn is pretty tight. Especially since she wrote her autobio at over 80 and could still stand on her head for 3 or 4 minutes. I can't even stand on my head. I should learn how.
I revised the OCAD memories list and put it on paper. It was fun arts and crafts.

I'm watching something on History Channel about WWII with some kinda-British narrator, but I don't know what it is.
I haven't done this in awhile so...I have to think back. Letsee.
Yesterday was the SAT. I thought that it was pretty easy. Reminded me of the State testing that we just finished taking. I know that I missed a few, especially on the Math, but I'll still get a 2400 like I told Ms. Huffman I would. I forgot my photo ID (my whole wallet actually) but they didn't really care. I guess I look like I should be named Katherine Johnson. The test finished late so I rushed to get from Capo Valley to Foothill in between 35-40 minutes so I could change and breathe a minute before I started work for 8 hours. It was a mess in Kids. People must think that since it's a MONSTER SALE they can be ultra messy. I had bread, cheese and apple juice for dinner (I had 5 dollars in my pocket, luckily) and saw Mr. and Mrs. Hendrickson at the grocery store. At Ralph's you can buy 2 Kaiser rolls for 1 dollar and a block of cheese for like 2.50, it's nice. Brandon was hanging out with Jessica and me because he was waiting for a ride, so we made him put stuff back for us even though he wasn't supposed to be doing any "work". Then I went home and talked to my mom a little then wanted to sleep sitting by the couch becasue I couldn't get up. No prom for me, but I had fun.
Today we had yummy panecooken(sp? Dutch:pancakes) for the new 5th graders and a piano recital. Mrs. Frank's piano is really loud and I don't play soft very well anyways, but besides that I did decently.
The little OCADers got 3rd. At least they placed, we didn't expect them to get first this year. George placed 1st overall and Liyna did well too but I don't remember how she placed.
I worry about life and people and other people and other people. I hope I don't die before school ends. If I do though, everyone is invited to my funeral. Please make it exciting with good music, fun pictures, cool facts and only as many tears as necessary.
Banquet was nice. I liked the end of the year video. And everyone looked nice, especially the tie-dyed polos of Lauren and Buddy. I think I have half of my senior speech planned: thanks Mom and Dad, thanks friends, you know. There was a lot of "Mr. Gray is awesome!" going on. I wasn't sure what to think about that. Maybe later.
That's all that I can remember. I'm going to go attempt to make myself look like Kate Hepburn. Do they sell red-head colored temporary hair dye? Like the spray-in/wash-out stuff? Maybe I'll find a Spencer Tracy of my own!? Or maybe I have and no one's told me about it yet?!

I am so damn worried. That about describes what's running through my mind right now. I know someone who's not doing so well for himself/herself. Crap.

SO. I'm at Sarah's house right now. We're waiting for Rosie then we're going to buy fabric, make 50's skirts and watch Grease. Yay! I actually get to be social for once in a long while. In Chem today we killed gummi bears, hyperventillated and made acid rain. It was fun. And in OCAD I realized that the guys get in the way sometimes. Then I got my paycheck (whoohoo) and did my piano.

You better think
Think about what you're trying to do to me
Think

I just finished watching 'About a Boy' and reading about Katharine Hepburn at the same time. I haven't watched that movie in a long time, it's cute. I like people with british accents. They are very fun to listen to. Went to school this morning for an hour. Those boys don't know how much they missed. Free food, dinky little coke bottles, and a ton of progress on the part of the 9/10 team. Then off to the library. I don't know how Marietta expects us to have that literary criticism project done by next Monday. I got one full quote in a half-hour, then I was bored to death and out of ideas. I have no clue what to write. But I got 2 Katharine Hepburn books and 'The African Queen'. So I'm good to go on the history project. Ah ha! I work Home for 6 1/2 hours tonight. Yech. Maybe they'll move me to kids again. (Wishful thinking on my part. They did that on Wednesday.) That's all. I think.

I've been as far as you can go
I've learned a lot and now I know
You're never gonna get me on the floor again
I'm prepared to take you to the end
Never gonna play your games again
Bring your whole team and all of your friends
But I hope you're listening.
Haunt me if you want me
But I'll warn you if you ever step to me.
I sometimes wish that I could fly
Hold me tight in your arms tonight
I'm sick of living inside a lie, alright
I can't count the times I've tried
Stand alone just to lift you high
You're my answer to the question why, Why?
I'm sick of letting you control
Me and all the places that I go
I'm never giving into you again
Take another look at me
And tell me what you see
All of these kats trying to get under my skin
But they can't step over me
You try to control me
But you can't hold me
You don't own me
If you ever step to me.
I know it's not me
Take a look inside me
I'm sick of these ways
So sick of these game
Couldn't see it till I multiplied you
Call me a freak
But I don't hear the words you speak
I'm taking control
Just letting you know
That I won't be sucked in by you.
Haunt me if you want me
But I'll warn you if you ever step to me again
You try to control me
But you can't hold me
You don't own me
If you ever step to me.

I am in OCAD right now, using Cox's computer.
I need to sleep more because when you don't sleep, your thoughts get kinda jumbled up in your mind and it becomes incoherent when you try to talk. Nothing really exciting happened today thus far. Elizabeth is really sunburnt, she's going to get melanoma if she's not careful. At snack I RSVPed Matt and myself for the District Recognition for OCAD thing tomorrow night. I'm supposed to be writing questions right now, nd since Im not doing them now, I don't know when I'll do them. We are studying 'Ode on a Grecin Urn' in English! I'm super excited. I'll get all of the answers!
That's it. That was my stream-of-conciousness writing technique. But not really, I ws just being random, hence the reason I need sleep.
Oh, and my new Brahm's piece is AMAZING! I was even sight-reading it well, because my mom heard me and told me she liked it. And my favorite waltz ever is in the book.

If you want to talk
Take the mask off
We can rock
Shake it up, Shake it up.
One-You can't make me feel this way
Two-You won't let me rum away
You can't understand my chemistry
Laugh if that makes me ordinary.

On the AP test: Long and tiring, but I think I did well and it didn't seem as bad as it was "supposed to be". I'm glad it's over now because we just do waste-of-time stuff for the rest of the year.

On Being Tired: I am really emotional when I'm tired. I learned that this weekend. Like when I got home on Friday at 730pm, we were watching 'A Series of Unfortunate Events' and at the end I was tearing up like the movie had some profound meaning or something. And last night I got home at 8pm and watched 'Phantom of the Opera' until somewhere around 11pm and I was even closer to crying. It's kinda funny and sad at the same time, my situation. I sould go to sleep early tonight.

On Work and Bermuda shorts: I saw Tim and Mr. Ulrich and Mrs. Gonzalez (Rosie's mom) on Saturday. Elizabeth was supposed to come, but she got fried at the beach so she didn't. I got a mail-in account opening. And went shopping on my lunch. It was nice. I got bermuda shorts, so now I can actually feel comfortable wearing shorts in public. (yeah, I'm not perfect, I'm a little insecure sometimes.)

On making everything work out: I'm changing my scheduling so I don't work before 8 on Fridays. I'm going to stick to my theory on life and love and forget about worrying about things. I will be continue to walk confidently in crowds when I have to shed my jeans for summer clothing. I'll learn not to be afraid of big crowds of people. And I'll hang out with everyone over the summer, even if it involves them becoming my new 'brother' or 'sister' so I can take them somewhere. Ah-Ha!

Conclusion: That's all. I don't want school tomorrow. And I work Home twice this week. Yeck.

Have you ever felt this way before
Cause I don't want to hide here anymore
Take me to a place where nothing's wrong
And thanks for coming, shut the door

Ranting: The 9/10 team has 2 weeks to learn just about everything for their competition. We are meeting next Tuesday after school and next Saturday from 9-12. Hoops is super frustrated and that makes the rest of us super frustrated too. (or at least it frustrates me) And it's all because we don't have a lot of leadership. We (11/12) were getting ready for State most of the time. Cox is new and didn't really know what to do. That leaves nobody to tell them what to do or study. Ughhh.

On a lighter note.
We watched DCI stuff in Band and there was a drum corp that did a Rhapsody in Blue show! It put a huge smile on my face. We should do that. And the corp with the crazy pants-changing? That was weird and cool at the same time. I vote no on that idea though. We took another stupid test in English. I can't wait until I don't have to take those next year. They are a waste of my energy. Yesterday I only really read one of the articles and still answered all of the questions in half the time alotted.
Yesterday I opened my first Mervyn's account! YAY! I am a good employee now. They owe me a candy bar or something now.

AP U.S. test tomorrow. I don't think I want to do all of my homework tonight since I won't be in any classes with homework anyways.

I think I'm getting a real cold. (I have the perpetual cold all the time.) Suddenly at work yesterday I had a sore throat and I felt worse when I woke up this morning. I hate stress. I have too much of it. Anybody want some? It's free.

Questions running through my mind
I'm falling behind
I never would have guessed this could have happened to me
This frustration, it's all I see
And you're taking me
And you're breaking me down
This time things will be different
I promise, I really promise
And this time things will be different
It grows and grows and grows

Block Schedule is one of those things you have to love and hate at the same time. It's like the day goes fast day-wise, but when you're in class it goes so ssssslllllooooowwwww (slow). OCAD was really fun. Lots of wild antics. I got almost attacked by scissors several times, it snowed on me, I had a fight with Matt over who was going to cut and who was going to glue (I graciously let him glue after a long battle and running around the back room), I cut a billion questions into a billion pieces of paper and we went to the front office and Ms. Hope looked at us like we were crazy. OH! And I got my corolarry to the WOMEN paper on Cox's computer. Read it, it's titled MEN and it's awesome! I laughed for a long time when we walked into OCAD and all the guys ran to Cox's room to read it after telling Matt about it! So for now we're even. Ha Ha Ha. And we did impromptus with Rebecca at snack and I'm terrible at coming up with prompts. I need gasoline, which I'll get on my way to church tonight. I think we're having a party in our small group of 4 or 5 people for the first hour. Lots of food for all! I get out at lunch tomorrow. That's nice.

OCAD Study Packets for 2005/2006 will be released on May 18th! We have to convince Hoops to get them right away!

You make me feel
so alive that I'm trying hard not to
make moves choosing the wrong place and time.

Church, work and now I'm home. I worked Sportswear (for the ignorant Sportswear=Womens) and I didn't know where anything was, but it was busy enough that I rarely had to leave the rap desk (that is the cash register place). Then the last half-hour I worked in the fitting room. BORING! Then I got paid and tried a few things on. I am in love with bermuda shorts! I vow to only wear short shorts if I run out of clothes!
So I officially need to prioritize. Chuck told me that today when we were talking about my missing the outreach on Friday. I am now officially doing way too much for my own good. And the thing is I LOVE Lightforce a lot, but I have to work. And there's no way I could have taken Friday off because I had already taken Tuesday off. Ahhh...
And finally...
I wish things would just work themselves out faster than they are. I'm literally going nuts because I don't have the answers I need/want. And I kid myself into thinking that I'll be totally fine and can just give things up at the spur of the moment, then realize later that it's a heck of a lot harder than it seems. And it's awkward to talk about because most people don't understand how I personally think. It's just super complex in it's simplicity...eh?

Sorry for going emo there. I just needed to let loose a little.

I'm a fairly happy human again. Not EVERYTHING is worked out, but then again, does everything ever get all worked out? I work 24 hours next week. Mother's Day is the reason and I think it's a ridiculous holiday. Anyone up to do anything tonight? If I do something I get out of going to David's game. Oh yeah. My response is finished! I can't wait to see their reaction! HAHA! That's it.

Man vs. himself
Man vs. machine
Man vs. the world
Mankind vs. me...

This week. Monday was piano. I still can't play my G Major scale. I guess once you start playing crazy scales, you can't go back to basic ones. Tuesday was a really long, pointless District Concert. I really liked the mom who went, "YES!" each time El Toro finished a piece. She made me laugh. We did decent and Mom said that I was on the screen a lot. Yesterday I got ice cream at lunch because I really needed it. And Audrey, Buddy and I had a dance party in Audrey's car while we ate ice cream. In OCAD Cox didn't think he had the SQ overheads, but guess where they were? Yep, in his pile of OCAD stuff. And I read the prompts for the 9/10 competition which they are writing on Monday. Today, Brothwell blew up balloons and they went "BOOM!!!". It was AWESOME! And I OCAD we were doing random crap, like organizing Hoops book shelf and taking a review quiz for fun and putting together the SQ overheads. Now I'm home.
Some stream of consciousness ideas:
2 C. Subliminal messages! um...what Lynsey said which made me realize that I'm not over it no matter what I've been trying to make myself think. The 9/10 team might not do so well this year, because we went to State so everyone was focused on us and not them. Random songs. I really am thinking about asking to play 'Clair de Lune'(Debussy) for CM. I've been playing it own my own and it makes me want to cry every time. And that's saying something because I can hardly play it. Why is life so tough? I need a hug.

I know that you're probably mad at me
I've come to expect that
You know that you'll never have all of me
You've come to resent that

So this weekend was pretty draining for me personally. Physically on Friday and emotionally the entire time (is emotionally the right word?). But I just never show it really, so no one really knew except Hannah because I talked to her about it. I performed well though, and got kinda reconciled with wooden roller-coasters (save for Ghostrider at Knott's). We had a really fun time last night talking about girl stuff like prom (subliminal messages!) and people and a few problems and some really weird things. And now although I'm glad to be back, I don't want to be at home because I know what's in store this week. Hurray. We need another OCAD day-off-of-school.
Ok. Does anyone know the call time for the District Concert for Orchestra on Tuesday? I'm supposed to work until 7. And Stephens hasn't e-mailed me back yet.
Uggh. I'm tired.

bum bum BUM.
dum dum dum.
BUM bum BUM bum.
BUM.
-the Rachimanoff prelude.

So yesterday we had lunch with the people from the OC Board of Education. Yep. It was pretty exciting. When 'Sid's Hero' (i just forgot his name again) walked in Sid's face totally lit up like a lightbulb! And I was the only one who saw it. Oh and like 2 days ago in OCAD Matt built a fort out of some desks, a map and some empty Xerox boxes. And I wasn't allowed in because I'm a girl, but I was sitting on the desk and he scared me half to death by grabbing my ankle. Today was school. Then I got to leave work early which was nice because if I wasn't I would still be doing homework.
For any of you who have read the essay, or have had it read to you...it's Matt's essay and he put my name on it! I never did anything to him either!
Oh and I got my next work schedule today. I work until 7 the night of the district concert and 6 until 10ish on Friday when I'm supposed to be in HUGE charge of the outreach. Like I'm doing everything but the lesson. Yeah, and I won't be there.

So I guess Mom went to the hospital last night. But she came home after I went to bed (9 pm) so I was asleep and she never told me how Grandpa's doing. Obviously not amazingly well because Mom and Dad cancelled their vacation. So...yeah. The sad thing is though is that he told Grandm not to tell Mom because he wanted to have us over. Boo.
Work tonight from 3 until 7. We'll see how that goes.

umm...school.
Monday in OCAD I spilt apple juice on myself. Matt, Brittany and Chris Vega won't let me live it down. When I see Chris in the halls he calls me "Apple Juice". Yesterday we were going to teach the kids how to fight because we had a sub. And today umm...nothing super exciting.
This evening we had the study session with Hoops (who by the way looks better every time we see her). Matt caved and actually came. Lots of note-taking. When we left Matt and I were yelling about Ms. Nippe and it went from I'm going to be her (??) to I'm going to kill her with a shoe (Matt's full of crap because that's what he is always saying that he is going to do next time he has to see her!)! It was fun.
Tomorrow's work.
Oh. So we were supposed to stay and Grandma and Grandpa's house this weekend because Mom and Dad were going away. But Grandpa went to the hospital this afternoon. They think he has another infection. So everything is up in the air. That sucks. (yeah. For the record...I'm kinda tearing up right now.) Yeah. That's all.

My mother is stupid. So on Friday I'm fat. Now add on top of that the fact that she yells at me today for wanting to finish all my homework. So she and dad are arguing about who knows what and I knock on the door and ask for my Vocab, she hands it to me all mad and later she yells at David for interrupting. When they're done (she and dad) she comes downstairs and yells at me. ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS FINISH MY FREEKING HOMEWORK!!! And she was all like, couldn't it have waited for half an hour. NO! I wanted to finish so I could do other stuff.
Boy am I glad that school is tomorrow. I can hardly stand being at home sometimes.

School on Friday was just school. Nothing was amazing except for Mosier playing a crazy Oedipus in OCAD. Then I went home and got ready to go to "work". According to my mom I either need to watch what I eat or burn off what I've gained on my butt since band ended. So in a nutshell, she thinks I'm fat. Talk about a distorted view. I think I'm actually pretty skinny, considering the fact that you can see my ribs. That really ticked me off. At Mervyn's we (me and 4 other newbies) sat most of the night. We filled out a bizillion pieces of paperwork, read from the book and watched a few short films. Then I went home really tired and slept. I went to work again at 8 this morning. I rang the doorbell to Mervyn's! So more sitting and after lunch we did register training. Erin and I finished in almost half the time of everyone else. Then we got our department assignments and went out on the floor. I work in the Children's Department. So James (my DL) showed me a little of what to do, a.k.a. we were hanging stuff, then I was doing that. I learned today that if you walk around long enough, you find where the item you are supposed to hang is to be hung. And that it's really annoying when people hang things in the wrong places. So on Thursday when I go back, they'll show me how to really work the register. When I got home we went to El Torito for dinner and I found something I actually like there. Fish tacos. And now I'm watching Little House on the Prairie (the T.V. movie version on ABC) and feel really, really tired.

History Test, Math Test, Existentialist discussion, stupid earthquake drill, covalent bonds quiz, stupid stuff, lunch, undramatic reading, piano lesson at 4:15. My day in one sentence.